Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this piece are the author’s and do not necessarily represent the position of Positive Women’s Network – USA.
October 10, 2019
by Angel Stetson
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Some men and women find themselves stuck in relationships with friends, coworkers, lovers, or family where they learn to believe the violence inflicted upon them is deserved. The violator will tear you down with verbal or physical abuse. Violence looks like withholding money and keeping good friends and family away from you so you are alone without a support system.
When another person constantly tells you that you are not worthy or that you deserve the treatment and abuse, do not believe it! Last year, I listened to that chatter. I was broken. I allowed verbal garbage from those around me to settle deep into my soul corrupting all the good I knew I was inside me. I justified the physical abuse. I started speaking about myself using that same hurtful language. Abuse in any form is not ok! I learned over the past year with the support of my sisters at PWN and TWP to remove myself from those people. At first, it was scary. I was alone while I processed everything which was my choice. I did it out of necessity.
Today a year later, I learned to hang around with more stable and empowering people. I have boundaries today. I feel empowered to speak up and say, “It is not ok to talk to me like that”, or “Do not come into my personal space to abuse my mental health with your meaningless chatter or put your hands on me.” A lot of my abuse was from not being able to let go of toxic relationships for fear of missing out on human interaction.
I have become independent. I can take care of myself, so I don’t have to put myself in those situations. I am no longer a prisoner of someone else’s games. I found self-respect and love for me. I trusted others who came before me. I trusted myself and developed self-respect and a new way of self-talk.
If you are experiencing any type of domestic violence, remember you are not alone. I advise making a plan to get out. Sometimes, getting out of these relationships can be dangerous, so you should only speak to trusted people that you know will not turn on you. Get specialized help.
Men and women are being killed because they think they can not leave these violent situations. We can overcome the hurt and feelings that come with such abuse. As I share my story I hope and pray this message can help even if just one finds the peace I have come to embrace.
I am not saying it doesn’t still happen. Sometimes I go into a store and a person will try to get to me with a statement. I ignore them or kindly say, “That is unacceptable.” I do not engage further and I do not stay with people who use me as a pawn in their reflections. The anger and violence they throw on you is a reflection of the person inside them lacking self-acceptance of the way they feel and act. This is still no excuse to hurt others.
Take a breathe and listen to your inner voice. You are worthy. Tell yourself how beautiful you are. How strong you are. Block those terrible words and know you can overcome them. We can get out. I also want to send love to those who never found support and lost their lives. Please don’t stay find and alternative and continually remind yourself how valuable you are. I encourage you to know your options. It was a long road for me. I was blessed to have made it out. Check my blog from last year. I was a mess.
It is possible to recover. Speak up and make that move. It was tough. As I am writing this morning, I feel empowered because I truly enjoy a better way of living. Please reach out. We are here to support you. I love all my brothers and sisters.
Sincerely in Solidarity,
Angel S.